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What does it mean when your daughter (son/grandchild/etc.) is Pagan?

—       Author prefers to remain anonymous (I will forward any feedback to her)

In 1994 I was straightening up a bit in my daughter’s room (knowing full well that it would never be clean to my satisfaction unless I did so myself) when I came across an open diary.  Now, I easily remember what it was like to be a teenager and have my own mother snoop in my room.  My first impulse was to close the book and put it safely out of temptation’s path.  I trusted, and still do trust, my daughter implicitly and respect her privacy.  Unfortunately, the symbol that glared at me from the page was rather disturbing.  It was a pentagram, a symbol that I had always been taught represented evil.  I read the words on the page, but the only things that registered in my mind at that time were the words ‘ritual,’ ‘spell,’ and ‘magick.’

I overreacted.  I had raised my daughter Christian, just as I had been myself.  I took the diary and its contents as evidence that my daughter was involved in some sort of cult, perhaps even worshipping Satan.  Yet, such an image did not jibe with the way I saw my daughter.  She was sweet, slightly preppy.  She always loved to be at the height of fashion.  There was nothing dark or secretive about my little girl.  She was not a ‘goth.’  She did not have an overabundance of black in her wardrobe.  She did not wear spiked collars or dye her hair odd colours.  She didn’t fit into my admittedly stereotypical portrait of the type of troubled teen who would fall in with such elements.

When I confronted her, it was a messy, tearful, and extremely painful scene.  I was afraid for my daughter, believing her caught up in something that she shouldn’t be. I wouldn’t believe her, although I should have, when she insisted that she had found a path that she could finally relate to.  She had found a religion she could believe in, she said.  My disbelief did more harm to our relationship than any argument we have had before or since. 

A Guide to Paganism for Non-Pagans

A few weeks after our argument, my daughter gave me some books and invited me to a meeting of her ‘grove.’  I read them, out of curiosity mainly.  I went with her to see a Pagan ritual for the first time.  I was welcomed, despite my non-belief.  Not once was I approached with an attempt at conversion.  This, in particular, surprised me.  It was one of the first things that allowed me to reach an understanding with my daughter about her choice of religion.  Here is what I have learned over the years.

       First, and most important, the main rule common to most Pagan religions is to ‘Harm None.’  It is a rule very similar to the Christian Golden Rule. 

       Most Pagans subscribe to an idea similar to that of Karma which is called the ‘Three-fold Law.’  This means that whatever a person does, good or ill, returns to them tripled.  It seems to me to be a very efficient means of encouraging good deeds.

       Pagans do believe in magic, which they spell with a ‘k’ (magick) to distinguish it from stagecraft and illusion.  The best way that I can think of for a non-pagan to understand magic is to compare it to prayer.  It may be somewhat more ritualized, but it is much the same.

       The pentagram (a five-pronged star in a circle) is a symbol of the five elements (earth, air, fire, water, and spirit) and not a symbol of evil or of Satan.  Just as they have done by inverting the crucifix, Satanists have perverted the symbol of the pentagram by turning it on its head.  Point-up, it is a harmless symbol of faith that is occasionally worn for protection.

       There are many different ‘traditions’ of Paganism just as there are many different denominations of Christianity.  Many draw on the old myths of the ancient Greeks, Celts, Egyptians, or other civilizations.

       Pagans do not believe in any entity of absolute evil, such as Satan.  Rather, they believe that a person’s actions are their own responsibility and decision.  Should they harm another in any way, whether purposely or accidentally, it is their duty to make recompense and seek forgiveness from the person harmed, not from their chosen deity/ies. 

       Pagans do not commit blood sacrifice.  Although some of the civilizations that modern paganism is based upon may have once sacrificed men or animals, Pagan religions no longer embrace such destruction.

o       The one, and only, time that my daughter has mentioned anything she called a blood sacrifice was when she donated blood to aid disaster victims.  This type of sacrifice is certainly one that more people should give, no matter what their beliefs.

A little over a year ago, I stood beside my daughter as she was handbound to a beautiful young man that I was incredibly pleased to welcome into the family.  The wedding was one of the most beautiful I have ever seen (although I admit to a certain bias on the part of my daughter).  It was also one of the simplest.  Last week I was informed that I am to be a grandmother.  I know that my grandchildren will have two wonderful and loving parents to look after them.  I also know that they will be raised Pagan but allowed a choice of faith when their own time comes.  Such an idea does not bother me in the least.  Now, I know that instead of falling in with the wrong crowd, my daughter chose a path that taught her a greater amount of respect for people and the environment.  I am proud to have seen her grow into the woman she is now, witch or no.